the other mother - free writing workshop for moms

Boiled peanuts

It's hilarious, actually, if you say it over and over. Maybe even if you say it once. We went to visit Mom in Florida, northern Florida, so far north it's almost Georgia and you can get boiled peanuts and honeybells at a roadside stand.

Live oaks, Spanish moss, saltmarsh and egrets. I walked on the beach too much and my ankle ached but I loved it. This was the kite trip--I got one for each kid and they took them out on the beach (my husband, too) and flew the rainbows up over the sand.

I don't know about y'all, but I've been able to work only if I make shorter deadlines for myself. Maybe it's the lack of sunlight, but I need to feel accomplishment after, say, 10 pages. After, say, three loads of laundry. After, say, six emails and a single page of writing. It works, though, the small deadlines. It keeps me going while March marches in and there's still snow on the ground. Speaking of which...

This week's writing topic: Do some small ritual of writing (invent one if you don't have one--I don't) like touching the silver elephant (Ganesh?) you wear around your neck or turning once clockwise or looking out the window for a full thirty seconds. Then write, for 11 minutes, about melting.

I owe some comments,

but fresh from a mom writers panel event at the White Plains Library with Jane Green, Pamela Dorman, and Role Mommy Beth Feldman (if you were there, thank you for coming, and for the fabulous questions!) I wanted to offer up a fresh topic.

I've been thinking about wishes, about how they change over time, about how close they can be to prayer, how selfish, how light.

So here's your writing topic. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Using your dominant hand (say, right if you're a righty) make a list of wishes on the corresponding (in this case right) side.

Then put the pen in your nondominant hand and write on the other side. Make a list of secret wishes. This could be in code if it's easier to admit to them that way (of course, they can all belong to a character anyway!).

Now choose one wish from each column and start to write. Don't forget the sounds, textures, taste of it all. Write for nine minutes.

I hope your wishes smell like just peeled oranges.

3 Tips for ankle surgery recovery

Hello, hello! I feel like I've been away forever. On the plus side, I have a new talar dome (well, slightly used, but still) and I can now lurch around in a delightful and only sometimes painful manner. Actually, that's pretty much the whole minus of it, too.

Thank you all for the well-wishes -- and hope your holidays were full of festivity, joy, and kindness. Oh, and writing. But if you haven't written yet, I'll give you a topic at the end of this post.

Some great news about The Other Mother: A Novel. New Jersey Star-Ledger columnist Maureen Berzok has listed The Other Mother as one of the Best Jersey Books of 2007, sharing the honors with:

• The Last Three Miles: Politics, Murder, and the Construction of America's First Superhighway by Steven Hart,
• The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz,
• and Exit Ghost by Philip Roth.

Wahoo!!! Thank you Ms. Berzok, for placing me in such esteemed company.

The Other Mother is also one of Role Mommy's favorite books of 2007. If you're near White Plains, NY on January 23rd, you can come to the White Plains Public Library to meet me, as well as Pamela Dorman and Jane Green, at the Role Mommy Books and Authors We Love event. I can't wait! I might even been lurching a bit more smoothly by then!

So, here are the three tips for ankle surgery recovery as promised:

1. Become completely obsessed with knitting.

I'll try to post some pictures. I've made 3 hats, 6 scarves, two cable couture bags. Let's just say knitting keeps me thinking about things other than pain, and it feels productive, even if, as my husband pointed out, my kids look like people whose mother has a little too much yarn on her hands.

Check out Loopsknitting. Shelley has a gorgeous store, gorgeous site, and Loops Scoop, with free patterns and ideas; I won a kit for the cable couture bag, which is what got me back on the knitwagon...), a sweater, several purses to felt (once I can get down to the laundry again), a wrap, two stuffed animals...I'm done bragging.

2. Ask your surgeon to lend (or rent?) you a Roll-A-Bout.

You put your knee on this sort of modified skateboard with brakes and wheel around when you need one free arm (not so easy with crutches).

3. Get dressed every day.

Even if wonderful friends and relations have taken over the driving/cooking/and other items on the endless parenting list. It just feels better, even if it takes a few hours to get pants over your cast.

So, here's the writing topic.

Make a list of three tips:

• three tips for surviving divorce
• three tips for shovelling your driveway (don't use a leafblower on snow, for example)
• three tips for avoiding writing
• three tips for feeding a picky eater.

After you have your list, take it from there. You know how it goes: don't think, just keep the pen moving. You can do this: write for 7 minutes. That's all. It takes longer for me to get a sock on my left foot.

Come write, one and all! It can be a New Year's Revolution: write every day. Welcome back!

filling the feeders, setting the jam

Not that I'm doing the latter. And I think it's putting up the jam, which is beautiful. Anyone know the correct idioms here?

Okay, so what I'm really doing is packing up a little backpack as if I were going on an expedition (expotition, said Pooh), but in fact (dental floss, notebook, eyedrops, pens, knitting project, etc) I'm getting ready to have ankle surgery.

All this is to say I might not be posting as frequently as I might like for a little bit, though I imagine after about two days I'll be very, very weary of recovery time. Knitting seems appealing, but so does not showing up for the bone graft and ligament reattachment bit.

Hey, that's not entirely unlike knitting. So I'm going to give you three writing practice tips, spontaneous in nature and not necessarily directly related to writing practice, but yes, to the practice of writing.

Then I'll give you three topics, just in case it takes me three weeks to come back. Post, though, tell your friends; I'll come back and drink up your words.

Three writing practice tips:

1. Fall in love with revision.
   It's your chance to reinvent the universe. And if you want to publish, you'll be asked to revise; it's best to enjoy it as much as you can.
2. Don't worry about what other people will think.
   In fact, don't worry at all. If you don't suck the marrow out of your material, it'll be dry bones. Worry, editing, vetting is for later (see number 1).
3. Write as much and as often as you can.
   Don't save yourself, your ideas, for writing. I'm a firm believer in writing practice (as codified by such greats as Natalie Goldberg). I also have written at least 400 extra pages for at least of my novels. They live in purgatory files on my computer, and I'm not sorry I wrote them, or that I had to cut them. They helped me find what I really wanted to say.

And, here are the three writing practice topics:

1. Write about family photos.
   You can even use one if you like, or find someone's online, someone you don't know. Write for 8 minutes.
2. Write about being out of breath.
   Start by going into the sensory--the squeeze of empty lungs, the rasp of cold air in the throat, the slowing of blood beats in the ears, etc...Then, give us a why (in labor, running away from a bear, trying to get back into shape, fell off the tire swing, etc). Write for 12 minutes.
3. Open your purse or desk drawer.
   Take out three items, and start writing about one or more. Where did they come from? Why do you have them? What if you lost them? Bottlecaps, the travel clock your aunt gave you, an unopened letter from your last boyfriend...Write for 11 minutes.

Be well, everyone!

New topic (via Moms Blogs book group)

If you read the most recent post (before this one, that is), you know that there's a moms blog book group discussion of The Other Mother at the Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

They're discussing The Other Mother and the issues it raises for moms. If you want to joint the discussion, click through where it asks you to join in.

There are plenty of gems in the mine, so this week I'm asking you to dig for your own topic.

You could write about a dad who's staying at home. You could write about mommy guilt. You could write about a mom quitting her job to stay home. You could write about cultural differences in parenting, but don't get too academic.

Just pick something you read about, even a phrase from someone's post, or, hey, the title The Other Mother's something to work with. I'm suggesting this because I feel like digging for your own topics gives you new freedom as a writer.

Have at it! 14 minutes or 22 minutes, you choose. And I'd love to hear what you think of the book group, as well.

Sometimes I write mine out a month in advance in my dayplanner, brainstorming all at once about a novel I'm living, or just trying to find what's important, what's next.

Can't wait to read! And hope you all enjoy your little Halloweenies, the ones in your house, or the ones that come to your door...

I ain't missing you at all...

Okay, I don't like the word ain't, but I was feeling kind of 80s and the song played in my head.

I have this new birdfeeder on the window by my desk, so I get to watch the finches up close at work on their food, the cardinal's endless screaming red tailfeathers.

Here's your writing practice topic for this week!

Write about something (or someone) (a character or not) you miss ... freedom to read the newspaper without interruption, breastfeeding, nice clothing, baby scent, baby talk, being able to run without bouncing, your mother....

Read over the rules, sharpen your pencil, stretch your hand, and write for 16 minutes..

Have a wonderful week, all!

There's still time

Time yet for a hundred indecisions, for a hundred visions and revisions, before the taking of a toast and tea (sorry, TS Eliot, if I didn't get it quite right).

Such a glorious time of year; the dogwoods in brown-red blush, the ginkos yelling yellow, the lawns still holding their green. It's a wonderful time to write, and I hope you will.

I owe a couple of comments, but first, a new writing topic:

Answer this question in list or narrative format (or both) (list could become a poem) (a list poem, even), fictional or not, first or third or even second-person:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

If you need a kick-start, make it a dialogue...

Write for 12 minutes.

Looking forward to reading you!

Lost

Hello all! I will get to comments later, but I don't want to delay the new writing practice topic, which came out of this week's in-person Just Write workshop:

Here's your writing practice topic for this week!

Read the writing practice guidelines. Stretch your fingers. Start with this sentence (fill in the blank):

Yesterday, she lost her __________ (mind, toothbrush, virginity, camera, best friend...)

Write for 8 minutes.

Thanks to all who've posted -- some exciting stuff!

On a side note, I visited a Rockaway MOMS Club book group this week and the discussion was fascinating: not all stay-at-home moms empathized more with Thea, the stay-at-home mom in The Other Mother, and not all working moms with Amanda, but the group was split about evenly between empathy for the two. I heard some amazing mom stories, and I hope some of the attendees will find their way to join us here.

Meanwhile, if you have (or know of) a book group that might be interested in The Other Mother, let them know I'm willing to visit in person (if you're geographically close) or via speakerphone--or that I'd be happy to answer questions online. The book really lends itself to discussion. Of course, the first question in Rockaway was about The Kiss.

Happy week, all!

In Defense

Hello everyone, and happy fall leaves, Santa Anas (if you're in San Diego), fog (San Francisco), and I dunno, you'll have to tell me what else you have. Leaf rot? Bulbs to plant (this weekend's plan). Small animals nesting in the gutters?

Welcome to members of the Just Write class who are new here (or returning). Take another look at the writing practice guidelines and get to it! Can't wait to read you!

So here's this week's writing topic.

In the spirit of this blog's genesis, write either an interior monologue (running thoughts) or an actual dialogue with a Working Mom or a Stay at Home Mom defending her choice (of working or staying at home -- to another mom, to her children, to her own mother).

If you're feeling brave, choose the mom who is not you as your narrator.

Write for 14 minutes.

For example,

"Just because you did it your way doesn't mean my way's crap," I said to my mother. She nodded her head, a slow, gray nod on a tall, red-lipsticked woman. My mother has moved like an old person since she was twenty.

"But, honey," she started.

"No, no honey," I said. "You call me honey to infantilize me..."

That's just a start... As always, we're going to assume everything's fiction, so feel safe to get as vitriolic as you'd like!

You go, mamas (and nonmamas alike).

Falling

for all of you and your lovely posts. I promise I'll comment on them later this week, but I have to go to the doctor, and to pick up the dog's ashes (very sad; she was old, but we really, really miss her), so I wanted to post a new topic for all you Write Women.

Fall, adding sweaters, sorting closets, picking apples and peaches, the hay maze.

Here's the writing topic for this week:

First, re-read the rules. Think about one of them for a moment (don't think, use your senses, whichever hits you today).

Then, write about giving something away. (old clothes, a car, a kiss, love, money, a baby...) Write for 9 minutes.

I can't wait to read you!